We’re about a week out from Halloween, which means it’s probably time to start considering your costume. If you’re not the kind of guy willing to spend hours in a temporary Halloween shop that cropped up last week in your local mall, fear not. Below we put together some low-maintenance options for you.
We channeled the badassery of our most badass boot for a few easy costumes. Happy Halloween!
Okay, this one is kind of an easy one, and doesn’t win many points on the imaginative scale. That doesn’t matter. You’re not going to an imagination contest, you’re going to a Halloween party. And you kind of forgot that it was Halloween so now you’re scrambling around your closet to find something you can turn into a costume.
What you’ll need: Red flannel shirt, loose-fitted work pants or khakis, a knit cap, a beard (there is no such thing as a clean-shaven lumberjack), some kind of ax (maybe not a real one. Please don’t use a real one.) and a pair of rugged boots.
Bonus materials: Suspenders.
Vladimir Putin* Feeding A Horse
Whether or not you agree with his politics, there’s no disputing that Vladimir Putin likes to do manly things for publicity. Do yourself a favor and check out this photo album with 33 images of the man doing manly shit. You’ll want to properly prepare for your costume.
What you’ll need: A pair of manly pants, sports sunglasses, and a super rugged pair of boots. Like these.
Bonus materials: A live horse, preferably from the Siberian countryside.
*This is not an endorsement of Putin’s politics, solely of Putin’s manliness.
Ah yes, The Terminator. Who wouldn’t want to be Arnold Shwarzenegger’s best role for a day? It’s perhaps the most badass look here and takes little effort to pull it off.
What you’ll need: A pair of black sunglasses, a black leather jacket (or utility coat), black pants, and black boots.
Bonus materials: A devilish grin, a motorcycle, and a cabinet full of trophies acquired during your bodybuilding years.
To avoid veering too closely to our lumberjack idea, we chose this very specific version of Ron Swanson. Assuming your hair probably isn’t long enough to rock dreds, aim here for Ron with Tammy 1 instead of Ron with Tammy 2.
The most important thing about this costume is to make sure you up the cheese-factor of your interactions with people. Say things like “cool beans” and call people “goof balls.”
What you’ll need: A polo with a corny color scheme most likely seen on an elementary school music teacher, zero facial hair, and a pair of khakis.
Bonus materials: A blond psychological mastermind with the body odor of a bloodhound on your arm.